Mei is me

Look at previous post, im officialy an S. Ikom rite now.. asooooooooooooyy...
dont have to tell u how hard my efforts to earn that title, do I?
:)

Ill tell the story next time,
now im going to tell how i feel bout it..

what do you mean, mei? dont u happy? grateful?
of course i am..
but the next morning, when i wake up and think...
i dont feel anything, i dont see the different, except that my name getting longger,
usually its 1 word (Meilani), now there's S. Ikom behind it.

I know it means now i have to find a job, make a living and its time to give back to my parents..
Im planning on finding an internship program in Jakarta,
but I havent gone anywhere since 25th of October (sidang skripsi),
my reason is i got a couple of revisions to do.
but......(again) i havent touched anything yet (of my thesis)

when i think about it again, i cant feel anything different now and before i graduated.

its been a week,
im not productive at all and i hate it,
ive come to a conclusion that i might be afraid to get out of my comfort zone,
thats when i downloded this freakin book:

"You Are Likeable" by Jed Revolutia
Pictures taken from Jed's FB page (http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs124.ash2/39551_156036757763289_146213162078982_336277_7375051_n.jpg)


At first, i thought this book isnt for me..
I thought this book is for alay teenagers (sorry sir-no hard feelings please.. :))
but then i read Chapter 2 "The Journey to Like Myself",
i was like: "WTF!! Thats how I feel!! Thats exactly who I am!"

I always think Im a loser, Im an annoying person, Im not good at start a new relationship with strangers, i dont have any important skills, i have a tendency to hurt people i love, im not beautiful, and so on and so on..
So I thought people dont like me, they must be annoyed with me, and bla bla bla...
Through this chapter, i know thats because i dont like my self, therefore i tend to hurt myself due to the effort to punish myself..
Yes, i like to hurt myself (not phisically). There are lots of other way to hurt ourselves you know..

And then other characteristic (which i found i did) is break down and cry, sobbed, and lementing my bad luck in relationship when i failed or when i feel alone and lonely..
Maybe thats the most important similarity: loneliness, bitterness.
Those 2 situations that finally opened my eyes...

Im reading Chapter 4 "Positive Outlook" now,
what i love the most is its in PDF form and the layout makes it easier to read in my E71 (because its in 2 columns)
Well, all I wanna say is thank you, writer..
I know what is wrong with me now,
im gonna try to like myself *for my own and my beloved's sake*

But I found something relieving, im not a pesimist-negative person,
u can ask everyone,
i always try to be positive in viewing problems (general one, like thesis; not in relationship matters),
optimist in everything (again like thesis) hehe..

You guys might want to download it, for urself or someone u know might need it..
U can download it here or u can buy the printed version, just check his website for other informations.
The writer also available in twitter with username @revolutia

:)

hope ive shared something useful.

:)

Semester terakhir ini, blog gw praktis berubah jadi jurnal online perkembangan skripsi karna gw terus mengupdate status terakhir penelitian yang sedang gw kerjain. Gw juga selalu mengupload hasil kerja gw karena berpikir mungkin bisa membantu seseorang di luar sana sama seperti gw terbantu dengan pdf/docs terkait topik skripsi yg gw temuin online. Bahkan gw sempat membuat 1 tips uji validitas&reliabilitas via SPSS.

Satu alasan kenapa gw terus mengupdate progres gw di blog ini BUKAN karena gw mau sombong ato ngbangga2in diri gw jago, karena kenyataannya gw engga. tapi karna gw pengen pecut diri sendiri, dengan gw bilang ke seluruh dunia gw sedang ngerjain ini-itu, udah sampe sini-situ, gw berharap gw akan malu karna progres gw lambat bgt. Trus gw bakal terpacu buat sesegera mungkin mengupdate progres kemajuan skripsi gw itu. Dengan ekspektasi ada pembaca di luar sana yang baca dan menunggu progres itu.

Mungkin aneh, tapi jujur gw memang membayangkan ada pembaca setia blog ga penting ini yang beneran selalu menanti2 update-an barunya.. :)

well, tujuan dari postingan ini adalah mengumumkan bahwa semua file2 (yg berhubungan dengan skripsi gw, termasuk tips uji2 itu) yang tadinya gw share via 4*shared sudah gw tutup karna 1 dan lain hal:
1. teryata uji validitas dan reliabilitas tidak semudah yang dulu gw tau
maksudnya pemilihan dari rumus yang akan dipakai, ada syarat dan alasan tertentu untuk memilih menggunakan rumus A atau B. ngujinya sih tetep gampang (selama make spss :p).
dan
lain hal.

:)

sekarang gw lagi uji validitas dan reliabilitas angket yang gw buat. Brati BAB 1 nya udah donk? Udaaaaaaahh hihihihi... *ehem* balik ke topik, dan gw jadi belajar banyak hal baru dari dosen pembimbing gw.. Mr.D ada tuh link blog doski di samping :p
Beda sama pas ngerjain tugas Evakomsar dulu yang otodidak ngasal, sekarang ada yang ngajarin dan buku sebagai panduan, makanya gw baru sadar, banyak yang salah kaprah dari tips uji-uji yg gw bikin dulu itu.. yang tersesat krn gw, maaf ya.. saya tebus *next time* hihihi

So, i made mistakes. but we all did, and life itself is a learning process. siapa yg mau belajarlah yg akan menang. House bisa waras lagi karna dia mau terima dia salah dan akhirnya moved on..

Untuk lo yang bilang gw sombong, pamer, bangga uplod2in bahan skripsi: sumpah, gw ga maksud!! gw bersedia ngebantu siapapun kok, gw mau banget!! bahkan ketika orang tersebut ga mau dibantu.

PS. another thing, ketika ada yg baca dan menemukan kesalahan dalam karya apapun yg gw kerjain dan gw share ke publik, plis kasih tau..dan bukannya ngomel2: "yaelah, segini aja dipamer2 ke internet."
terimakasih.