am sitting in my room or so called my sister's bedroom since im only a "guess" here, close my ear with -again- my sister's big headphone.
Trying to avoid all contacts with earth and its contents.
Create a shadow shield to cover me from all the pain human can do to me.
You must wonder why, or not. I dont care.
I have just declare war with my parents.
Because of my stupidity and my big mouth.
One advice. Only one advice for you. Dont be a Chinese and a Cancerian at the same time. Im dead. Im officialy dead. Im ruined. My life's damn. Screw it all. And its all because of myself. How can it be worse?
How. Can. This. Be. Worse.
Oh, life is funny. God Himself is a comedian. ofcourse this can be worse.
Geez, bitter already.
Screw me. Screw you. Screw everybody. I hate this life.
I hate I cant be with my love, because I choose to. Because Im too scared to take the chance. Is there any?
I hate that I care so much of what people think and say.
I hate that we must behave as culture wants us to.
I hate that we must consider people's feeling when we do/say things.
I hate that eventually I'll do it all because I hate it and gone mad for I cant express whats in my mind.
but most of all, I hate that at the end of the day, I regret all the things Ive done when Im mad.
And Ill hide, try to forget everything, for remember those things only make my heart aching. I cant stand the pain, too afraid to confront it, too coward to tell my wishes.
Ill walk the day, week, month and year, but the pain is there.
Deep in the labyrinth.
eating me alive.
Turning me into exactly the same person i hate.
Thankyou life for being so funny.
A couple months ago, Eminem made a great comeback by release "Not afraid" single.
Next, he strike w/ "Love the way you lie" featuring with Rihanna..
The video hits youtube record, some says it was because of Megan Fox's appearance..
But Ill say its the song itself that interesting.
Bet lots of couples feel the same way as the story in that song :)
Well, in Rihanna's new album, she has her own version of this song and i love this one better..
So, here it is "Love The Way You Lie Part Two" by Rihanna featuring Eminem
[Rihanna]The lyric sounds so pure and honest eh? :P
On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you'll always be my hero
even though you've lost your mind
[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that's all right because I like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie
[Rihanna]
Now there's gravel in our voices
glass is shattered from the fight
in this tug of war, you'll always win
even when I'm right
'cause you feed me fables from your hand
with violent words and empty threats
and it's sick that all these battles
are what keeps me satisfied
[Chorus]
[Rihanna]
So maybe I'm a masochist
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-the-way-you-lie-part-ii-lyrics-rihanna.html ]
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
til the walls are goin' up
in smoke with all our memories
[Eminem]
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry
that you pushed me into the coffee table last night
so I can push you off me
try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy
baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me
then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me
then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
that we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky
together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,
you hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'?
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count
but together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain
our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counselin'
this house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand
square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it
with you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it
[Chorus]
Download link: http://www.stafaband.info/download/139026/Rihanna_ft._Eminem/Love_The_Way_You_Lie_Part_2.html
Download at your own risk! :)
Look at previous post, im officialy an S. Ikom rite now.. asooooooooooooyy...
dont have to tell u how hard my efforts to earn that title, do I?
:)
Ill tell the story next time,
now im going to tell how i feel bout it..
what do you mean, mei? dont u happy? grateful?
of course i am..
but the next morning, when i wake up and think...
i dont feel anything, i dont see the different, except that my name getting longger,
usually its 1 word (Meilani), now there's S. Ikom behind it.
I know it means now i have to find a job, make a living and its time to give back to my parents..
Im planning on finding an internship program in Jakarta,
but I havent gone anywhere since 25th of October (sidang skripsi),
my reason is i got a couple of revisions to do.
but......(again) i havent touched anything yet (of my thesis)
when i think about it again, i cant feel anything different now and before i graduated.
its been a week,
im not productive at all and i hate it,
ive come to a conclusion that i might be afraid to get out of my comfort zone,
thats when i downloded this freakin book:
"You Are Likeable" by Jed Revolutia
Pictures taken from Jed's FB page (http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs124.ash2/39551_156036757763289_146213162078982_336277_7375051_n.jpg)
At first, i thought this book isnt for me..
I thought this book is for alay teenagers (sorry sir-no hard feelings please.. :))
but then i read Chapter 2 "The Journey to Like Myself",
i was like: "WTF!! Thats how I feel!! Thats exactly who I am!"
I always think Im a loser, Im an annoying person, Im not good at start a new relationship with strangers, i dont have any important skills, i have a tendency to hurt people i love, im not beautiful, and so on and so on..
So I thought people dont like me, they must be annoyed with me, and bla bla bla...
Through this chapter, i know thats because i dont like my self, therefore i tend to hurt myself due to the effort to punish myself..
Yes, i like to hurt myself (not phisically). There are lots of other way to hurt ourselves you know..
And then other characteristic (which i found i did) is break down and cry, sobbed, and lementing my bad luck in relationship when i failed or when i feel alone and lonely..
Maybe thats the most important similarity: loneliness, bitterness.
Those 2 situations that finally opened my eyes...
Im reading Chapter 4 "Positive Outlook" now,
what i love the most is its in PDF form and the layout makes it easier to read in my E71 (because its in 2 columns)
Well, all I wanna say is thank you, writer..
I know what is wrong with me now,
im gonna try to like myself *for my own and my beloved's sake*
But I found something relieving, im not a pesimist-negative person,
u can ask everyone,
i always try to be positive in viewing problems (general one, like thesis; not in relationship matters),
optimist in everything (again like thesis) hehe..
You guys might want to download it, for urself or someone u know might need it..
U can download it here or u can buy the printed version, just check his website for other informations.
The writer also available in twitter with username @revolutia
:)
hope ive shared something useful.
Recent Comments